Your mental health after Narcissistic abuse.
May marks the beginning of Mental health awareness month. It is estimated that 1 in 5 adults in the U.S alone is living with mental illness. It is such an important topic, yet there is still so much stigma and not enough education or support for those living with mental or behavioral issues. Mental health is such a critical piece of your overall wellness.
I am not a therapist, this is solely based on my experience as a trauma- informed coach.
Please consult with your physician if you are experiencing difficulties coping in your day-to-day life.
Please know you don’t have to fight this alone. There is help and medication available to help you live your life with joy.
My intention in writing this week’s blog is to reach through the screen and give you a hug. I want to normalize that if you are feeling like you are losing your mind in your relationship with the narcissist you are not alone! What you are feeling is due to the abuse and trauma you have endured and are still experiencing if you haven’t started your healing journey.
The new you might feel so foreign. Before you met the narcissist you were a different person. Your glass was always half full. You had a positive outlook on life. You were known for your beautiful smile and warm personality.
Now you feel like a shell of a person. You don’t know who you are anymore. And you don’t know what to do!
One of the hardest parts of being in a toxic manipulating relationship is that the people around you, even your close friends and family have no idea what you are talking about? To them, the narcissist in your life seems, funny, charming, the life of the party, very chatty (always about themself), generous and helpful (only when other people are around).
The narcissist can fake empathy and choose which mask to wear when they want to put on a show. It’s maddening to witness! They become a different person when you are alone! They save their outburst, belittling, and silent treatment all for you.
Over time you start to wonder: AM I THE CRAZY ONE?
This is what you have been told over and over again in your relationship. Nightmares, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts become part of your life. You become hyper-aware, vigilant, angry, irritable, have a misplaced sense of blame, low confidence, and feel depressed.
Making the smallest decisions seems overwhelming. Using negative language when you speak to yourself becomes the norm. You feel useless. Nothing you ever do feels good enough. Feeling exhausted and depleted is part of your everyday. All you want to do is sleep or numb out. You cry easily. Over time the tears dry up and you become detached and dissociated. The trauma can also show up as headaches, stomach problems, chronic body aches, and physical pain.
Approximately 10 out of every 100 women will suffer from PTSD (post- traumatic stress disorder) as a result of narcissistic abuse and gaslighting. If you have experienced prolonged abuse, (been in the relationship for a long period of time) you are likely suffering from CPTSD, complex post- traumatic stress disorder.
Continuous stress due to abuse can damage the brain cells in the hippocampus, causing it to gradually shrink in size. As a result, you start to forget things easily and find it difficult to learn new things. The prefrontal cortex is the region of the brain that is located right behind the eyes.
The many traumatic events in your relationship triggered a fight, flight, and freeze response within you. Anything associated with those memories can trigger an anxiety attack.
If you can identify with any of the above you might be breathing a sigh of relief. You are not the only one. This is experienced by survivors of trauma. You are NOT crazy! There is nothing wrong with you. You have experienced trauma that you have to heal. You must process what you have been through. The trauma won’t magically disappear over time. You are just prolonging the inner pain.
The hopeful news is you can feel better by slowly starting to heal. What you choose to help you along your recovery is up to you, but choose something! For me EFT tapping, the emotional freedom technique was my somatic healing tool of choice. I created my own L.I.F.E healing program incorporating EFT. I found talk therapy alone was not enough to access the trauma stored in our subconscious minds.
Listen to inner healing, trauma, and narcissistic recovery podcasts. Find a coach or therapist who specializes in Narcissistic abuse. Educated yourself. Understand what happened to you and so many others. It will give you the validation you are not alone in feeling this way and that healing is possible.
Then you have to flip the switch! And see it through! Take your power back! Stop focusing on the narcissist, and turn all that energy inward. It won’t be easy but neither is living with all this pain and hard confusing feelings. It starts with you. You can do this! Break the cycle of toxic relationships for you, your children, and your family of origin!
Yours in healing, Ina