Financial control is abuse.
I wanted to touch on something very common in narcissistic
relationships or marriage. Financial control!
Did you know financial control is considered domestic violence? I
didn’t for a long time.
If the narcissist in your life is using economic abuse to control you, it
can look something like this:
-Preventing you from getting or keeping a job.
-Making you ask/beg for money.
-Giving you an allowance.
-Taking your money.
-Not letting you know about or having access to family income.
-Being asked to show receipts when returning from grocery
shopping.
-Every purchase made for yourself or your children is being
questioned.
-Treats of canceling credit cards when there is an argument.
-Often reminding you, if you do leave you will end up on the streets!
-Promising, you will never get ‘HIS” money if you split up.
Meanwhile, the abuser spends money in any way he pleases!
I remember what It felt like to own my own business, making my own
money that I controlled. I do remember what it felt like to give up my
business only to become financially dependent on my ex-narc when I
decided to stay home with my child. I ignored that voice in my head
screaming, N0000000!! “You need to stay financially independent”!
Fast forward… some months there was no mention of money spent.
Lavish gifts, pocket money, and vacations came in abundance. In
other months, there were lectures, budgets being created, and
threats of my credit card being canceled if I didn’t XYZ!!
It brought me right back to my childhood. Watching my mother, also
financially dependent on my father, beg for money for groceries in
front of her children.
Naturally, I had attracted the same situation. My beliefs around
money were, It is not mine to spend. What I contribute to the household is NEVER good enough. I am worthless. I don’t deserve to
live in abundance. There is never enough money.
Does that sound familiar?
Being financially controlled by your partner is a terrible feeling. You live in lack and feel sick every time you spend money on anything.
You start to tell yourself you don’t deserve or need anything, to avoid another argument and explosion about money. You know you are not
respected or valued, no matter what you contribute to the household Being a STAH, and or juggling work while being the primary caregiver.
Even if you take care of everything in the home, it is never enough for the narcissist.
That is not a healthy partnership!
Remember: Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior (verbal, nonverbal, and physical) of one person exercising POWER &
CONTROL over another, and you experience
LOSS OF CHOICE= LOSS OF FREE WILL
In a healthy relationship or marriage, you have an economic
partnership.
-You make jointly money decisions.
-Both partners benefit from the financial agreements.
-Your financial goals and dreams are valued and heard.
-You are both in agreement on how your, his, and your joint money is
spent.
-You are never asked to provide receipts nor do you feel guilty about
making purchases.
-If it is mutually decided you stay home with the children, that
decision is respected and valued.
Please know if you are a victim of financial control it is abuse!
Controlling the money is a tactic the abuser uses to make you believe
you can’t leave the relationship or marriage, no matter how bad it
gets! It’s one of the main reasons women stay as long as they do. It’s
abuse and it’s not ok! If you are in a partnership you have equal rights
when it comes to your finances. You are a grown woman!
Please know if you are a victim of financial control it is abuse! Controlling the money is a tactic the abuser uses to make you believe
you can’t leave the relationship or marriage, no matter how bad it gets! It’s one of the main reasons women stay as long as they do. It’s
abuse and it’s not ok! If you are in a partnership you have equal rights when it comes to your finances. You are a grown woman!
Remember: Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior (verbal, nonverbal, and physical) of one person exercising POWER &
CONTROL over another, and you experience LOSS OF CHOICE= LOSS OF FREE WILL