HOW A NARCISSIST WILL USE FUTURE FAKING TO MANIPULATE YOU.
Future faking is one of a narcissist’s most prominent yet subtle tools.
Future faking is when a person lies or promised something to get
what they want in the present. Promising a future that they have no
intention of acting toward. Making promises that they won’t keep.
Instead, they distort reality to get what they want from you now.
EXAMPLES:
-Promising that they will call you later but never call.
-Or promising to go on a vacation with you, and then never taking any
steps to make that happen.
-Saying they want you to meet their parents or friends shortly after a
few dates.
-Express how they want to buy a house together.
-Even promising to marry you, make you his queen, and live happily
ever after, to make you complacent and control you in the present.
It’s important to note, future faking prays on your dreams and goals in
order to fabricate a possible future so that they can string you along
in the now. These promises are destined to be broken.
Instead, they will keep promising and using other forms of coercive
control, until you feel confused and start to question if you have made
it all up in your head. At that point, it seems easier to just go along
with whatever the narcissist says.
Future faking speaks to our hearts. Our heartfelt desires, whether
about marriages, children, work, happiness, traveling, or fun times.
Our desires become weaponized in order to control us. Your belief in
their future faking appeals to their ego and feeds them supply.
What keeps you bonded to the narcissist, is the hope that this time, it
will happen! That this time it will be different! That this time, he has saved up money! This time, he really looks like he means it! This time
he has a job!
He said he is saving up for the house you are buying together.
He did promise that as soon as his mother feels well you will meet
her.
By now, you may have sunk so much time, emotion, and energy into
the relationship that you tell yourself you can’t give up now!
If you start to question their many broken promises, they may
occasionally take some sort of small action step, but as soon as you
feel comfortable again, it is back to more of the same. They may also
lash out at you, blame you for not believing them, and make you feel
so bad, that you end up apologizing and you stay. Then they will
know that they can get away with it.
This kind of manipulation is extremely harmful. Cognitive dissonance,
feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, not feeling good enough
and worthy, and the loss of something the narcissist never intended
you to have will have crippling consequences for your self-worth, and
trust in people. It will make you feel crazy and stupid that you allowed
yourself to believe them once again!
How can you tell if a person is pretending or lying?
This applies to a family member, a boss, a coworker, a friend, or a romantic partner.
-Be mindful of anything that seems too good to be true.
-If that person repeatedly talks about the future in order to make you complacent, ask questions and don’t let them distort reality.
-Pay attention to if they work towards the goal they declared.
-Ask them to explain their plan, and for updates.
-Don’t accept excuse after excuse.
-Observe if the person gets defensive or angry when asked questions
about their promise.
-Notice if the person blames you, or tries to make you feel crazy for
questioning them.
If the person says, “I NEVER PROMISED THAT” but you know they
did, they are gaslighting you
It’s a lie with no substance behind it. It’s future faking and it will never happen!
You are not dealing with an honest, healthy, or normal adult!
Yours in healing,
Ina.