The narcissist is an addict.
Future faking is one of a narcissist’s most prominent yet subtle tools.
Future faking is when a person lies or promised something to get
what they want in the present. Promising a future that they have no
intention of acting toward. Making promises that they won’t keep.
Instead, they distort reality to get what they want from you now.
The addiction I want to talk about is the narcissist’s addiction to control. The narcissist has to be in control of every situation including the people in their life. If you are in a romantic relationship or marriage, you are viewed as a possession, an employee, or a member of staff. Not an equal partner, with your own thinking feeling brain, wants, and needs.
You must serve a purpose for the narcissist. For example, take care of the household and the children full time, and provide all the meals. As long as you do what you are told, and fulfill their needs and addiction, they will grant you their “love and attention” which only means breadcrumbs.
All they want from you is to feed their power and control.
If you pull away or say no, the abuse will often escalate and become worse. The addiction (you) is no longer available to them as you were at the beginning of the relationship, and that is the worst you can do to an addict who needs power and control in order to exist.
The thought of saying no and setting boundaries will feel very scary to your dysregulated nervous system. The trauma bond you are experiencing with the narcissist is very hard to break. Your dopamine receptors are craving his attention and breadcrumbs, which have become your addiction. It’s a vicious toxic cycle that will only get worse.
The person you are with is an addict whose drug of choice is to control and abuse you, mentally, emotionally, and financially, and there is nothing you can do to fix them or change their behavior. It is not your fault!
It’s important to understand when you stay despite their abusive behavior, or if you return to them after leaving, (It can take up to 7
times for the abused to leave for good) the narcissist understands what to say and do so you remain in their control. It’s a sick mind game.
You don’t have to be in this dark confusing place on your own.
It’s ok if you don’t know what to do… It’s normal to feel scared.
I’m here to support and meet you where ever you are. There is never any judgment.
I see you. I hear you. I believe you. Yours in healing,
Ina Hansen